Just love. Just presence. Just acceptance.

Pink alliumsOnce again I am convinced that our loving energy is felt by someone with a dementia-related disease or Alzheimer’s. Even when our loved ones do not recognize us, they recognize the love….the loving energy that we bring to the relationship.

My friend told me that when she visits her mother in a long-term care facility that her mother does not know her name. She wasn’t certain if her mother even was aware that she was her daughter. But in spite of that challenge, my friend visits her mother often and has memorable visits each time.

I wanted to hear more. “Well, I often take her gifts – small items that are pretty, or soft, or glitter – you know, girly things!” Yes, I know. My sister and I searched high and low for pink stuff for my mom – pink flowers, pink vases, pink cards, pink clothing, pink nightgowns…even, books!

So, a pillow adorned with sequins, a soft blanket, a cozy afghan with multi-coloured stripes, these are the kinds of things that her mother loved to receive. And when she received them, she would tell her daughter, “Just put it on that chair so that I can see it as soon as I open my eyes each morning.”

Oh, how lovely! Yes, that is a gift that is very much appreciated.

How could her mother not be aware of the love and thoughtfulness of those gifts to her? Yes, I am certain that her mother can feel the love.

When my mother had a roommate in the hospital (another woman with Alzheimer’s), the roommate’s adult daughter said to me one time that she and other family members often crawled into their mother’s bed and snuggled up to her while she dropped off to sleep.

The woman told me that one time the granddaughter crawled into her grandma’s bed and asked her, “Grandma, do you know who I am?” Her grandma replied, “No, I don’t know you…but I can feel the love.”

Loving energy! It’s a real thing!

I wrote the following when I first began to blog last fall, a few months before my mother died; I am re-blogging it.

What if?
What if…when I visited my loved one, I had no ulterior motive, no hidden agenda and no expectations, except to be with my loved one?
What if…when I visited my loved one, I went with love; nothing else, just love?
What if…when I visited my loved one, I walked through the door, and said, “I’m here for you. You are not alone.”? Just that.
What if…when I visited my loved one, I said, “I’m sorry that you are ill, but know that you are not alone.”?
What if…when I visited my loved one, I left resentment, anger, guilt, anguish, stress and grief, outside? And instead, I carried into the room – peace, forgiveness (for yourself and for your loved one), kindness and compassion?
What if…when I visited my loved one, my presence…”healed” (in just a small way) their heart?
What if…when I visited my loved one, my presence mattered?
What if…when I visited my loved one, my presence (just by being me) kept them tethered to the present – this moment?
What if…when I visited my loved one, she (he) understands that I bring positive energy? And if not intellectually, what if intuitively, perceptually or spiritually they “feel” my loving energy? What if she does not know my name, but recognizes love?
What if…when I visited my loved one, I opened my eyes and recognized a face of joy, delight, pleasure and love?
What if…when I visited my loved one, I opened my heart?
What if?

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